LENT. #absurd?

Ah, Lent. The time when we’re asked to give up some form of luxury to pay penitence in preparation for Easter. (Side note: I love Easter.) Whether you find yourself to be a religious person or not, errbody can participate in the festivities. Just find something that you can plausibly give up for 40 days, whether it be breaking a bad habit or giving up a guilty pleasure. Sure, it may not quite be the act of self-sacrifice that the Pope might approve, but change is a good thing. And who wouldn’t approve of that? So without further ado, some non-absurd things worth giving up…

1. Being so serious. There is a time and a place for staying on task and having that serious face. In the same manner, there are lots of times and places where you need to relax and enjoy life a little. Besides, you look prettier when you smile.

2. Pinterest. It’s ridiculous. I much rather someone buy me actual bulletin boards and force me to place photos of Paula Dean-ish recipes and Ryan Gosling saying something semi-inspirational using actual pins.

3. Texting/Applying Mascara while driving. No, this is not my very own PSA but I have seen too many Dateline specials about the dangers of such activities and I am hereby making it a point to change my ways. I’m going to apply my mascara before I leave the drive way and will leave my cellular device safely in the passenger seat.

4. Watching Republican Debates and debate coverage. It’s not worth it. Blah blah blah Romney, blah blah blah birth control. Besides, watching those debates is like watching four middle-aged men argue with each other over who is the least drunk and able to drive.

5. Being too rigid. Yes, it’s great to have those nonnegotiables and to make it known where you stand -at work, in dating, life. But how are you going to experience anything new and exciting if you keep yourself straight-laced in your principles 24/7, 365? Stick to your guns but stay open to new ideas and the possibility of change.

6. Leaving voicemails. No one listens to them and why sit and awkwardly explain why you called when you can send a “tag, you’re it” text? Work smarter, people.

7. Showing too much skin. Less is always more, ladies. Leave something to the imagination and you will reap positive attention. Same for you too, guys. Less product in the hair. Less Axe body spray. Less something.

8. Wearing ugly shoes. Life is too short to wear sub par footwear.

9. Being afraid. Whether you’re scared silly of public speaking or maybe too shy to ask that girl to dinner, STOP! Change your ways! What good is there in fearing ______? Messing up would be the worst that could happen, and let me tell you, that is nothing to be afraid of. And remember, whatever happens you always have your good hair and winning personality to catch your fall.

10. Early bedtimes. As a night owl and possible robot, I am a huge advocate for staying up a little bit past your bedtime. Try to implement this gradually, testing it maybe on Wednesdays – middle of the week, nothing major happens on Thursdays, almost the weekend, etc.. Some of the best moments in life happen when the rest of the world is sleeping. Word.
xoxo.

THINGS FOUR WELL-EDUCATED WOMEN SAID WHILST WATCHING YET ANOTHER EPISODE OF THE BACHELOR.

They have the same part.
Chris Harrison is probably already on the island, floating and reading People.
The divorce isn’t final from her wife.
An eating disorder? Tell me something new.
He’s dead in the eyes.
His inner thigh! Nothing about that is attractive.
Do not make them get in the river.
They’ve photo shopped the camera man who is actually driving the boat.
Natives!
Yeah, I don’t think they speak like, American Spanish, like, yeah.
He looks like Kelly Kapowski’s father, no grandfather.
Look how white his inner thighs are!
After seeing that, I never want to be with a man again.
Even her laugh sucks.
Love her. Hate her foundation.
Turn the beat around, son.
Are they rubbing cheeks or are they kissing?
Do you have anything of value to say?
King Douchelord.
The close-up of her eyebrows is just as disturbing as her personality.
Oh my Bathsheba status.
Two on ones are the worst.
Who’s the Chief? Obama? You’re with Barack?
Cheesy hash browns.
Q: Is that a silk shirt? A: No it’s linen, poly-cotton at best.
Don’t mind us, just changing each other’s tampons!
Ew, he had his tongue out way before she even leaned it.
Q: Why must he always wear those gay flip-flops? A: Because it matches his hair, which sucks.
#daddy issues
…And by model she means pole dancer.
YOU’RE THE MOST INSECURE PERSON I’VE EVER SEEN!
That dress looks like a carnation blew up!
Where did her country accent come from? She’s from Brooklyn.
Annnnnd Resort Wear 2010.
He’s just terrible.
Good hair attracts good hair. She needs to take her locks of love and run.
Who from ABC brought her all those magazines to use for her scrapbook?
Thanks for that close-up of the homeless cat.
Stop crying, you have an entire harem waiting for you.
She doesn’t need to get married, she needs a therapist.
She’s damaged goods, I’m over it.
Why is she playing with his pinkie?
He just said, “Do you want my mouth closed or open?” I can’t watch any further.