Ok, confession time: I have seen every episode of Dawson’s Creek. Twice, maybe more. I realize that may shock some of you and for others, well your assumptions about me were just validated. Back before Netflix I owned most of the seasons and during college I would skip class, chapel and minor social events to watch Dawson be weird and Pacey be adorable with Joey, played by MS. Katie Holmes. Then she went and married Tom Cruise, easily the slimiest guy in Hollywood, and soon after he was jumping on couches and Katie was just looking sad. Like no make-up or morning coffee sad. I blamed first and foremost their faux marriage (I never bought that their union was based on love and sexual attraction) and maybe more importantly Scientology (an expensive, made-up religion, cue the ghost of L. Ron Hubbard). I honestly thought we had lost Katie forever until she proved herself to be a total boss and served Tom papers. Here are five specific reasons why Katie is a certified bad ass.
Just when I was feeling good about the state of women’s body image and self confidence, THIS happens. Did you hear? Apparently Kate Upton is fat. That’s right, fat. I believe the exact quote was “fat and vulgar.” Pro-anexeria website, SkinnyGossip blasts the 20 yr old model for flaunting her “huge thighs, NO waist and big, fat, floppy boobs”during a recent bikini-clad appearance on the runway. Isn’t it the American dream to have BIG, fat, floppy boobs? Basically every breathing male would answer a firm YES. The website continues in ignorance by adding, “Yes, the lovely Kate Upton, confidently lumbering up a runway like there’s a buffet at the end of it.”
Seriously? My level of anger only grew as I read more of the blog post, if you can even call it that. SkinnyGossip went on to blast Upton for being “lazy and lardy,” asking us, “Have we gotten so fat in this country that Kate is the best we can aim for?” I skimmed the rest of the content, shuddering as Kate was compared to a “fat adolescent who needs to lay off the burgers” and a “pregnant girl without shape wear.”
Obviously the genius behind SkinnyGossip keeps herself anonymous, but even she was shocked when Kate herself read her crazy S. Her statement? “I’m not going to starve just to be thin. I want to enjoy life and I can’t if I’m not eating and miserable.” Amen, sister. I mean, COME ON, it’s Kate Upton. She’s been on the cover of Sports Illustrated AND GQ, all before turning 20. Most recently she took Paris Hilton’s place as spokesperson for Carl’s Jr. restaurants – starring in commercials where she is basically getting to third base with a cheeseburger. Her body is Ridiculous with a capital R and if THAT is fat, sign me up.
The media and dopey guys put enough pressure on women to look a certain way, affecting our self confidence and how we feel in our own skin. We girls have to stick together and love our bodies, appreciating all shapes and sizes, working on being healthy and happy. We all love Kate because she actually HAS a body and more remarkably, a personality. So Ms. SkinnyGossip, keep on snacking on ice chips and that half crouton whilst writing ridiculousness against healthy, confident, beautiful women while your boyfriend drools over Kate Upton’s big, fat, floppy boobs.
1. She is Suri’s Mom.
She is adorable and has her own burn book – what’s not to love? Katie lets her dress herself on the daily (thus the princess dresses, baby heels and an occasional tutu) and takes her everywhere. Katie also ensured that she is solely responsible for Suri’s education, meaning no Scientology schools or cruises, and that she is not to be exposed to the church in any fashion. Sounds like a great mom to me.
2. She used a disposable cellphone (hopefully Cricket) to communicate with her lawyers, family, etc.
I’m not sure if Katie watches too much CSI or Lifetime movies but girl covered her tracks. Supposedly a friend got it for her so her husband and his Scientologist minions wouldn’t suspect she was planning her escape.
3. She had already rehired her pre-Tom publicity team by the time she left her husband.
So when Tom convinced Katie to marry him she had to let her old publicist, stylist, lawyers, PR everything go and hire Tom’s people. I love that she said goodbye to their (his) staff before she even told him.
4. She refused to say Scientology wasn’t to blame for the break-up.
Talk about a well-written statement – the couple claimed in the settlement to “respect each other’s commitment to each of their respective beliefs.”
5. She isn’t going into hibernation mode.
Like a true boss she took Suri out and about the day she filed for divorce and all the S hit the fan. She wasn’t scared of the mentally unstable paparazzi or the unmarked cars full of Scientology leaders. She took her daughter to the zoo and looked fabulous doing so.
This first week of July in images, with minimal captions.
So NBC fired Ann Curry. I guess the sexual tension between her and Al Roker became too palpable.
My office, a la chapter twelve.
Take that, Scientology! Suri, you have a lot to write about in your burn book.
“I love you but you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Grace on repeat. There is no excuse to not buy (and love) this album.
Hot Chicken Festival for the 4th. God Bless America.
Lollapalooza scheduling is fun.