Dear B: Naughty or Nice?

Dear B,
My frienenemy wants to know if she’ll get presents this year for Christmas or actual coal. I told her I wouldn’t tell anybody but since my therapist is already on vacay and you’re basically the Bible I feel okay getting your advice. She’s had two borderline-crazy boyfriends, an ex fiance and made out with a slightly famous country singer’s brother…all in the past year or so. Besides eating Krystal’s for lunch one day and wearing the same Patagonia on the daily she’s been pretty nice. Does that cover her naughty-ness of year’s past? Should I have her go ask a mall Santa just as a precaution? 
SOS, 
C******
Dear Nanny o’ the Year,
First of all, you can tell your “friend” that she needs to CALM DOWN. We’ve all been a little naughty and Santa usually shows, aka no big deal! I would advise her to read something, anything really, to get educated and stop dating and/or mixing it up with the likes of those hot messes. I dare say match.com would supply a better dating roster for her to choose from, but honestly if she keeps eating Krystal’s her not-dating will take care of itself. Sorry but I’m not sorry. 
Oh, and as if I have to tell you to tell her but I will:whatever you do don’t go sit on a mall Santa’s lap. Everyone knows the real Santa is way too busy this time of year to be sitting outside of a BCBG listening to you confess your sins of late just in time for him to pack up his sleigh. 
Also, since she sounds like the type to go to a party full of her old high school buddies and get completely toasted from one too many cups of spiked eggnog, tell her I said NO. 
Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah,
B
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