Stage 5 Clingers, Ex-Gf’s of Relationships Past and the Business.

Last night I went to hear one of my favorite bands, J Roddy Walston and the Business – think gritty rock with excellent bed head and hello, GREAT name. I love love love everything about them and sing their praises often,  so naturally I rounded up my girls to their show last night. Yes, on a school night. We arrived an hour late and the opening act in flannel via Third Man Records had just started yelling through the mic. Cool. We assumed position towards the back and within five minutes I had a young man in a Fender Guitar shirt and some sort of wooden necklace asking if he could buy me a drink. Yes, this always happens to me.
Fender: “You let me know when that’s nothing but ice and we’ll fix you right up okay, Pretty?”
Me: “I’m sorry, what?”
Fender: “I once saved a cat that was stuck in a tree.” (pauses for laughter, I think) “I’m trying to make a joke.”
Me: “Cats freak me out, but E for effort.”
Fender: “Do your friends want to see my guns?” (assumes somewhat of a Hercules pose, pushing out his chest and showing his arm “muscle”)
Me: “Wow, okay, this just got much weirder than I need for a Thursday.”
Stage 5 Clinger was a persistent one and had no concept of social cues, I.e. He shook Kenna’s hand and then told her it was sweaty (which is a fact but RUDE) and then proceeded to tell me he forgot my name (I never gave him my name, are you kidding?). So ten minutes or so later I did what every respectable girl does – “I have a boyfriend. Maybe you should go find another girl to chat up.” He walked away and we laughed as we moved up closer to the stage in preparation for our main men. 
This is where the story gets good. 
About five feet from us stood THE ex-gf, the one who has despised me for the past 2.5 years and basically burns a hole through my skin with her eyes every time we find ourselves in the same concert venue. I’ve moved on, PRAISE!, and I am happy to report I have no clue about either of their situations. I do know she was there and he was not. 
Anyways, we tried to keep a respectable distance but somehow ended up one handsy couple away. Suddenly, the most beautiful thing happened just as J Roddy slightly humped the piano bench wailing “Pigs & Pearls.” Stage 5 Clinger stands beside her, they strike up a very merry conversation, and hey, next thing you know they’re dancing and carrying on like a couple of kids who just met on eHarmony! 
It was truly a win-win for us all. 
XOXO,
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