I’ve been dating this guy who, believe or not, is both attractive and nice. He has a great job which he hates and loves to take me to movies, so yeah, I thought it was true love. Then he went to DC for business and all of a sudden I get an E-MAIL saying he’s thought a lot about “us” and there really isn’t an “us” because he knows he doesn’t have the time an “us” takes. What do I do now?
Dear Taylor Swift Two Weeks Ago (Probably),
First of all, my condolences. I’ve never been broken up with via e-mail so while I can’t fully relate I do feel your anger/sadness. Breaking up is never easy, unless you’re stupid and you don’t sound stupid. Girl to girl, thank you for coming to me for assistance during this dark time and I assure you, you will get through this.
Now as for your next steps, you have options:
Reply with all the reasons why he’s an awful human and will never again find love
Compare him to an episode of Sex and the City (which should make anyone cry on the spot)
Refer him to Become You Life Coaching for Women (30 min free session!)
Send him a cat via Amazon Prime
What would I do? I would keep it simple – you want to keep your class intact since he lost all of his by pressing send instead of picking up the phone. I would simply say “Best of luck” or if you’re feeling adventurous “May all of your dreams come true!” Now go eat a cheeseburger and feel better.
Since it’s Friday and I’ve been birthday-ing all week and continuing tonight (!!!), I am not in the best position to form complete thoughts so clearly. (Seriously, I nearly fell off my bike last night at spin and have a major bruise on my knee to prove it.) So, allow me to rock your world through a few adjectives and the musical stylings of Mr. JT.
Exhibit A: An original work of art by a friend who knew I would appreciate this far more than flowers. Now I realize I need to hit the gym 2-17 hours a day to get in Jessica Biel shape and might try the dark hair thing when I get brave enough. Also, my sweet grandmother who lives on a farm in Kentucky thought this was an actual photograph and asked who the “good-looking man” was. Le sigh.
Exhibit B: TKO. I’ve listened to this eleven times this morning and I’m not saying it’s Cry Me a River level but I can’t stop won’t stop. Enjoy!
I am a very outspoken person. I respect outspoken people. Speak your mind! Freedom of speech! AMERICA! I get it, and I roll with it but sometimes, yes there are times, when I feel it’s best to say nothing at all.
Like when your co-worker says something so ignorant in a meeting and all of your proposed responses include the phrase “are you kidding me?” Or when your old friend slowly re-friends your ex, and his ex via social media for no reason that you can tell other than she enjoys using the “like” button. OR when you give a guy your number and it turns out he’s in fact married to the woman across the room who is now glaring at you. No he doesn’t wear a ring but why should he? They have matching tattoos!
In all these aforementioned situations I remained silent, and while it might have felt super gratifying to say exactly what I would have liked to say right then, the situation would not have been improved through anything that came out of my mouth. The moment would have passed and I would have felt all empty and frustrated which is lame.
It’s an art, giving em’ crickets. Say nothing at all, even add a smile in there, and you’ll find people will pay more attention. Or they’ll just think you’re mysterious. Both are chic.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
A Tale Of Two Cities is one of my favorite books that I’ve reread 8 times and New York Fashion Week is my favorite event that I have attended 0 times. Erroneous, right? Since I am obsessed with Oscar and have more determination to have a conversation with Kelly Cutrone than any twenty-something PR girl probably should, I’ll go soon enough – trust. BUT until I do, a girl has to keep busy. Stay occupied. Look forward. Move onward. Survive while watching Jason Wu’s show online and swooning over photo after photo of carefree models in gorgeous creations.
Fashion appreciators, we will get through this. How? Here are my suggestions:
Read something. I’m reading Dark Places and it’s scaring me to death but hey, I forget about not being in the same space as Tom Ford and his Spring Collection!
Netflix something. I decided to see if Orange IS the New Black and it’s scaring me to death! Also, it reminds me that one can never look put together in a prison jumpsuit, orange or any other gross color.
Eat something. Grab your friends and go eat something amazing since your job does not require you to be 5’11 and 102 pounds.
Stretch something. Yoga. Pilates. PureBarre. Think to yourself: How would Karlie Kloss prepare to walk in the DKNY show?
Buy something. Groceries, heels, a new bag. They’re all cheaper than five days in NYC. A little retail therapy soothes the soul and that’s a fact.
Happy Labor Day and Happy September, everybody! September is one of my favorite months, mainly because but not limited to: college football returns, the September issues are finally revealed, and fall is just around the corner.
Also, I will turn the big 2-7 on the 18th and while some people loathe extended merriment, I live for large parties full of my favorite people. In honor of turning 27 I’m starting a project to completed by 28 – I’m giving myself a real head start because we all need a little head start, don’t you think?
I’ll keep track of items completed and if there’s a good story, I’ll write about it so you can bask in my awkwardness right along with me.
So get excited.
Here goes nothing.
50 Before 28.