Socially Unacceptable Halloween Costumes

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Oh how I love this time of the year. Pumpkins o’ plenty, orange in my Oreos and Hocus Pocus on every channel. Children of all ages scour party stores and Amazon to find the perfect costume to celebrate and while I am all about freedom of the imagination, some disguises should be off limits.

Sexy nurse

Sexy cat/dog/mouse

Sexy Bin Ladin

Miley Cyrus (with or without said teddy bear and outstretched tongue)

Anyone from Orange Is The New Black (Poor, Hough)

Anything involving wearing balloons

Manti Teo’s “girlfriend”

Paula Deen

Anything related to the government shutdown

Adult Baby (i.e NorthWest)

If all else fails, just wear glitter. Trick or treat, lovelies!

XOXO,

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another morning, another missed connection.

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Starbucks. The prime location for me to run into anyone and everyone before I’ve had enough caffeine for my eyes to fully open. Typically I run into ex-boyfriends, their ex-girlfriends, former employers, my friends’ former employers and a couple times, Keith Urban. Other times, I make a new friend while in line and this morning, he was both charming and unmarried.

He made fun of me for checking my emails before coffee. I assured him I wasn’t replying to anything since it’s important to first be able to form complete sentences. I paid using the handy dandy app on my phone. He said I was too high-tech for him, then asked how I did that. I waited for my latte while we made small talk and once we both were good to go, he said he wouldn’t keep me any longer. Big smile and what looked like an attempted wink.

I smiled back. No wink. (Winks freak me out.)

Then, as he held the door for me he said, “Maybe we’ll run into each other again soon?”

Um, sure, yes ok….what I managed to say was, “Definitely, I hope so.”

He then smiled, cheers-ed me with his Venti and told me to have a great day. In a movie he would have asked for my number after telling me he had to run to the courtroom/ER but whatever! Nice guy.

Maybe he’s right and we will run into each other again or maybe he’s watched Serendipity too many times. We may never know! Regardless, this handsome, seemingly normal missed connection put a smile on my face before 9 am and that is worth mentioning.

XOXO,

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The Casual Relationship Thing.

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“I am committed to this casual relationship.” – 89% of men in America, probably

You know how these things go. You meet a charming someone and sooner or later you find yourself in that someone’s company frequently, sacred weeknights included. Time spent together is coupled with waves of texts that keep you interested because that someone is interested and you’re all having a grand ole’ time. Over text messages you share humorous commentary of your day, make topical jokes to prove your intelligence and make vague plans to see each other again. Half of the texts barely make sense thanks to autocorrect but the point is clear: something is happening between the two of you. You see each other when you can and hardly ever make concrete plans because hey, what’s the need? Neither party feels trapped since there hasn’t been an immediate need to define anything because everyone is on the same page. Right? Welcome to the casual relationship where everything is all rainbows and butterflies.

…until it’s not.

Something happens. All the non-committal fun comes to a dramatic end thanks to…

The Fade Out. The texts stop. Calls become few and far between. The ever popular slow-fade or maybe the cold turkey crickets approach. Now as someone who has been both the fader and the fadee I understand there are times when you think this is acceptable and “the only way.” But come on, if honesty is the best policy isn’t it best to just be up front? It’s one thing to go on date one with someone and never text them again but it is a whole other ballgame when you’ve been strung about for weeks on end. No matter what side of the smart phone I am suddenly not texting from, I prefer some sort of parting words. However, it’s safe to assume that no text message or obligatory phone call “for closure” is going to answer the question(s) of why they’re not into it any longer, so on to the next one. All in all, if the fade out occurs then your time together has run its course.

Somebody Develops Real Feelings. It’s no secret that women are looking for commitment more often than men. Sometimes we feel like we can handle it all and not get too attached – we like our freedom just as much as the next guy! – but then your non-boyfriend does something so thoughtful your heart hurts. Someone at a party asks if the two of you are together and you watch as he mumbles and shoulder shrugs through it. You find yourself having those completely normal “what if” thoughts and realize you can’t fight the feeling anymore. Commitment hasn’t been defined but you can’t imagine being with anybody else and how could you? You’re involved.  This is the time for a “what are we doing/where is this going” conversation and please, not over text. Tell him how you feel and don’t be scared to start the conversation. If it’s right, it’s right.

The Comfortable Isn’t Exciting Anymore. One of you is over it, maybe because feelings were expressed and the outcome wasn’t so mutual. Or maybe you realized you are ready for something real, no matter how hard a real relationship may be at times. This is not a bad thing! Sure, you might feel awkward and not know how to handle the situation exactly but honesty is the best policy. You want more from a relationship. You’re ready to move on and forward in a relationship that’s going somewhere. Yes, you want to be in love (eventually) more than you want to just hang out and that is more than normal.

To come full circle and without sounding too much like an online dating service commercial, dating should be 10% awkward and 90% FUN. If you’re not looking for commitment then give the casual thing a spin – when it stops being fun, move on. Fall in love with everything you can but be Smart. Above all, be yourself. It also helps if you wear great shoes.

XOXO,

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13 Signs You’ve Found Your BFF(s).

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At any major social gathering with my nearest and dearest, there are always two guarantees: I’m going to laugh a lot and at some point I’m going to want us all to go around the room and say what we’re thankful for. Of course everyone is all blah blah blah not again. The only time my friends play along is during our annual Friendsgiving when they’re all too stuffed with turkey and all the fixings, no longer able to fight me and my Hallmark wishes. So yes, I want us to all play this silly game but really, my answer is always the same and it’s nice.

I am the most thankful for all of my beautiful and wonderful friends.

Some of you might be loners by choice – I respect you but I don’t understand you – and others of you may be loners by circumstance – you got out of a relationship and somehow lost some BFFs in the process or maybe you just moved? (You’ll get through this.) Wherever you may be on the friends spectrum, we all need a refresher course! Here are some surefire ways to know when you’ve found your inner core, your wolf pack, your BFFs.

They are totally fine with your “I prefer to not wear pants 90% of the time” mantra.

They go with you to see that show that you really wanted to go to and even when the show runs 3-4 hours late they stay, and manage to make cake a la mode appear while you wait.

You always owe each other money but realize it will all balance out somehow over the years.

You call each other’s parents by their first names.

They don’t ask about that one guy you were going out with who they’d felt funny about but didn’t want to hurt your heart – when you realized he wasn’t James Franco they listened to all of your analytical rants without question.

You have each other’s romantic histories memorized and know which ones are all clear to joke about.

They switch places with you before pictures because yes, you have a good side.

You go with them to that Nicholas Sparks movie because they wanted you to and when you cried they did not laugh.

Your text message strand, full of one-liners and emojis, would make zero sense to the rest of the free world.

They know all of your guilty pleasures and still love you, i.e. Taylor Swift, watching The Voice, 80’s cover bands.

They know your closet backwards and forwards and sure, borrow anything you like!

You never run out of topics to discuss or laugh about.

They will never like your crazy ex. Ever.

XOXO,

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