Well kids, it’s that time of year again. The time when you’re surrounded by family members you rarely ever see to eat way too much turkey and pumpkin pie all in the name of pilgrims and indians. Truth be told, Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays mainly because there’s no pressure or pretense. You show up and show gratitude for all the blessings in your life. What’s not to love?
So in the spirit of the ole’ tradition of counting the blessings, I give you a list of what I’m thankful for this year…
- No Shave November, for making (most) men all the more attractive and manly-looking.
- I’m not Canadian so I don’t have to discuss Rob Ford, let alone see him on local news. Gross.
- Justin Timberlake touring the country in custom Tom Ford and yes ladies, he puts on A SHOW for over three hours with little more than a water break.
- Peppermint Joe-Joes, or as I call them, crack. Courtesy of Trader Joes. Stock up now and thank me later.
- Strong women who are the epitome of go-getters and lean in-ers, i.e. Mindy Khaling, Sheryl Sandberg, Malala, Kerry Washington and Zoey! Thank you for making it happen on the daily and inspiring us all to chase after our dreams while looking both amazing and approachable.
- Yoga. The one hour a week I am silent, present and bendable in all sorts of heart-opening positions.
- Mexican food. You know you were thinking it! Cheers to chips and salsa that never quits.
- Yeezus. Two reasons: entertainment value and for persuading Kim to wear clothes for a change. Also for crafting one of my favorite lyrics of all time: “I’m just trying to change the color on your mood ring.”
- Dry Shampoo.
- Great friends who keep my life interesting and full of laughter. And love. But mostly laughter. They keep me young and far from boring.
- Buzzfeed, because where else can you get that afternoon pick-me-up while making fun of grown-ups who are incapable of drawing a map of the US of A?
- The first date feeling. You know, before all the analytical thinking and real talk there’s the blissful anticipation and fairytale state of mind paired with a new outfit. Nothing better.
- Living in the South. I love that I don’t need a massive winter coat just yet, and that I can order sweet tea anywhere I go. Also, Southern gentlemen and the SEC. You are welcome.
- Ryan Gosling.
- (Paid) time off work. It’s in abundance this time of year so soak it all in, everybody!
- Caffeine to get us through these literally dark days of winter.
- Holiday parties that give us a reason to dress things up a bit and make it socially acceptable to eat assorted cheeses as your meal.
- The Wolf of Wall Street will be in theaters Christmas Day. YES.
- HGTV. How else would I learn how to re-grout a tub and flip a two-bedroom condo all in 27 minutes?
- Time spent with family and other loved ones while eating amazing food and watching football. God bless America.
What are you thankful for? Let’s hear it.
In light of his current sold-out world tour and 5th GQ cover at just 32 years attractive, I think it’s time to tip our hats to a true genius/guru/master/beautiful man: Justin Timberlake. So I’m going to share a “poem” I wrote about him, circa yesterday, after seeing him in action Friday night.
To Mickey Mouse
Denim on Denim
Cry Me a River
Errbody loves you
Sold out arenas
Jay-Z and Drake
Watch out Yeezus
GQ help me
Sources tell me
You love Nashville
I love Nashville
Bye Mrs. Biel
Please move already
There aren’t many things that bring me more joy than watching new talent arise out of the glittery ashes and today, I’m thrilled to introduce you all to the latest and greatest. You’re gonna want to follow her since well, you follow me. You have great taste! I’m sure all of your friends adore you and your collection of shoes/pens/ticket stubs is the envy of everyone you know. So yeah, here’s some additional reading material that is going to make you all the wiser (well, sometimes) and while usually I don’t endorse token fan pages, I always endorse frenemies who recognize the genius that is Olivia Pope.
Oh, and if you don’t quite understand the Game of Thrones references and large moving maps of remote parts of the globe, just look at all the pretty pictures. That’s what I’ll be doing, trust.
So without further adieu, it is my pleasure to introduce you to Randi…
There comes a time in every under-32-something’s life when you figure out you have nothing figured out. You then lose it, binge watch an original Netflix series and eat an entire sleeve of Oreoes with your roommate. The next morning is when the magic happens. You realize that everything is going to be okay.
So what if you don’t own your own place yet? You’re only ___ years old and you have plenty of time for all of that white picket fence business. Enjoy being able to call your landlord when anything and everything even looks like it could malfunction.
Not in a job that you love or at all want to be in long term? Do something about it. Read Lean In, invest in a great, work appropriate LBD and keep emailing (stalking) until you get the interview.
Want Carrie Underwood legs and Rihanna clothing-optional confidence? Use your gym membership this week and go easy on the carbs.
Wish you were dating a nice guy? Break up with the dope you keep trudging through cryptic texts with and work on the amazing YOU a nice guy will treat well.
A little tough love never hurt anybody, although in middle school I swore up and down my mother was the epitome of mean when I would whine and her only response? “Well tough! Get over it.” Imagine how offensive that was to me when complaining about not getting to go to that party wearing my crop top with that guy who was too old for me. Now here we are, years past Saved by the Bell and I have gotten enough of my mother’s good sense to know what’s up. It’s time we get over ourselves and get after It, whatever It is, and puulease, have fun in the process.
An ex-coworker of mine is obsessed with my dog. Anytime she’s sad she thinks she needs to see him. Take him to the park. Have him sleep over. It’s beyond weird. The last time was a break-up and of course, she wanted to see him for the weekend because she was “beside herself.” They had only been on three dates! So usually I just throw out excuses and she leaves it alone but now I don’t know what to do. She said she’s been “let go” and is “eating her feelings in cupcakes.” Who does she want to help her? My dog. I’m fine with her taking care of him while we’re gone this weekend but not everyday, all day, while we’re at work. Don’t you think it’s weird that she wants walk him when she’s sad? What do I say?
Dear Andy Cohen,
Let me start by asking where did you work with said ex-coworker and was she a nut job from the beginning or was that a result of a micromanaging boss? I’ll let you get back to me with that answer and yes, I do think it’s weird. Regardless, homegirl is not in a good place and she’s screaming for help – from you and your dog, which both are better than cupcakes (carbs! sugars! Red40!) but neither is appropriate. You sound like a nice guy, and since you’re asking me I assume you want to lay down the law nicely. So here are some response options:
Option A.) Hey! Sorry to hear about your job but something even better will turn up soon. As for the dog, during the week really isn’t best but I’d love for you to keep him this weekend while I’m gone. What do you think?
Option B.) Hey! Sorry to hear about your job but everything will work out. How about you keep the dog this weekend? We’ll be out of town.
Option C.) I know a great life coach who will help make you less dependent on multiple cupcakes and my dog.
In the meantime, love on your adorable pup and make sure that security system is working properly, just in case she doesn’t like your answer.